ice cream crown,

I just did something funky myself.

After all day sleep and brainless movies watch online, I decided to end this miserable life pattern for tonight, I went speed walking. Sort of like doing those hand and hip things while I was speed walking, I’m sure you know how odd it looked like, but I just didn’t care, this is the lesson that I need to work on: please and be with myself. I gave myself A+ for tonight!

Once I watched this movie: what happens in Vagas, stays in Vagas, even it’s a comedy, I was inspired by what Cameron Diaz said in this movie big time, don’t laugh, she said: I went to the beach 200 miles away from New York city, that day was my happiest day in my life, coz I had no one to please except for myself, that’s exactly the direction I’m working towards.

It’s been a year, I don’t know if I’m fully recovered from the break-up, I think I have, still lonely at times, I guess it’s normal, and no need to be so hard on myself.

All my friends who haven’t dated for a long time started dating and having some flirts or happy sparks, but me. I’m quite jealous….to be honest, but calm at the same time, what a weird combination. I’m kind of scared that I might just settle with this mind set, I know it’s actually good that I finally know how to sort of be with myself. I guess I’m just afraid I might get used to it, I’m this type of person who needs fire from time to time, and it’s been quiet; I don’t know…I’m afraid.

I’ve thought of Timmy recently, wondering if he’s doing well, not those I’m-still-in-love-with-him feeling, weepy I guess. Every time I watch those romantic movies I always have this thought that I could have had this happily ever after life just like they had in movies, but I screwed everything up. I was horrible, cynical, judgmental and negative all the time that I didn’t even wanna be with myself, luckily through this break-up, I’ve grown from that. I’ve learnt my lesson, it’s just the price cost me big time, I have a big hole in my pocket and still trying to make things up.

My time will come…….when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong, and you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you.